By Kenya Johnson
In the world of COVID and online dating, getting ghosted is a real threat for many. Whether you are the "ghoster" or the "ghosted," I think we can all agree that it sucks to be on either side.
Now you see me. Now you don’t!
Let’s talk about why ghosters even exist. Some find it easier to disappear than to have the difficult and uncomfortable conversation of saying, “I’m just not that into you”. Others do it because they feel there is an insignificant attachment and simply do not have the desire to continue the exchange.
Let’s face it, getting to know someone new can be a tedious process. Especially, when online dating can feel like 100 rounds of speed dating! You ask and answer the same surface level questions for the first few interactions. If the person is interesting enough, you may move forward. If not, it is likely that the encounter will dwindle. It’s a constant battle of being yourself while still trying to stand out.
Online dating and social media platforms have certainly contributed to the increase in ghosters.
It is extremely easy to ghost someone that you’ve only had contact with online. This person is not part of your daily life and likely doesn’t know your phone number, where you work, or your real name!
In this swipe culture, you have about 5 seconds (I mean that literally!) to get someone’s attention enough swipe right (say yes, to the potential of connecting at least once). Your profile picture(s) have to pop, the description of things you like and would like to get out of your interactions needs to be fun and witty. That is all you have to offer to the world in that space. If someone doesn’t like what they see, they will swipe left (decline the opportunity to communicate). There is no chance to redeem yourself if they misunderstood something you wrote. Maybe your photo should’ve been taken in different lighting or at a more flattering angle.
That’s it - and on to the next.
So, when you have practiced avoiding people through these activities, ghosting someone gets easier every time!
I hate to break it to you, but there is no solution to the ghosting crisis! At least, not in the world of social media and online dating that we live in today.
Being ghosted by someone can lead to feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and negative self-talk. My advice is to try not to take it personally. Usually, the reason someone ghosts you is because of something they have going on that likely has nothing to do with you! So, keep smiling! Keep loving on yourself! Continue knowing that there are better people out there who want to get to know you. Consider being ghosted a positive thing. It means you didn’t waste time forcing an engagement that wasn’t right for you in the first place. Now, your energy and time is more available to those who enjoy your company.