Picture it: Washington, D.C; the year 2011 (In my Sophia Petrillo voice). I’m lying in bed, wide awake in my home, and in the midst of a self-sponsored pity party. Y'all, this party was hella lit: The bar was fully-stocked with (negative) spirits; my (low) self-esteem was leading the electric slide; and my victim mentality was somewhere in the corner doing the bankhead bounce. Included on the food menu was a list of painful memories rooted in various toxic relationships (romantic and platonic) I had partaken in over the years. With the party going full blast, it suddenly hit me: I was the common denominator in all this misfortune. I was instantly humbled, and mortified. However, I was also somewhat relieved, because this also implied there was a way out of this madness. It was at this point that my healing journey began, which ultimately led me to reconcile within myself the relationship with my father. Here’s my story.
"I am ready, what exactly does that mean? It means I am ready for everything happening, the good, the bad, everything! I strongly believe that there are some AMAZING things coming in the near future and I can’t wait to see those things manifest!"
When the endless applications and cover letters yielded no results, it felt like a personal failure. I was stripped of the formulaic success granted by an education system that rewards standardized learning and eager-to-please students. Graduation meant coming to terms with my identity outside of this padded structure, but that realization has been intensified by the instability of the past few months.
“Where am I? I am in the present, but I’m dreaming of the future. I’m manifesting. I’m not only working out my body, but I’m working out my soul too. I’m making sure that I constantly feed myself the tools to wake up everyday just as joyous."
Since this new way of living started a few months ago, I noticed that a lot of influencers and motivators saw quarantine as an opportunity to motivate people by way of guilt. I saw posts and videos of influencers saying things like, “If you don’t come out of quarantine with a new skill or new stream of income you’ve wasted your time. No Excuses.” And, although I see the logic behind this train of thought, I emphatically disagree with the approach.